FUN IN PHONELESS CASTLES  by Meirav Rath

Jeanie stared at her engagement ring. The highway light reflected it and made it look even prettier then Jeannies' happy mind made it look like. Jeff sat next to her, driving but his mind too was somewhere about his fresh engagement to Jeanie. They were on a way to a friend of theirs. Dr. Welsh was the man that walked into their office drizzly day and dragged them on to a little adventure on the rocky cliffs of the Scottish islands. There they had to share a warm room in the cold weather, work together after month of frozen relationship and start connecting. That warm room was also the scene of their first love making as the case took a few good weeks of their time. They were on their way to the dear Dr, somewhere around the northern part of Scotland, to thank him for getting them together, they owed the last year to him.
Marty was at the back seat, chatting up his new girlfriend. Her name was Laura and she was killed on a mission, like Martys' dad and she was Martys' new "Love of his life…death…whatever" as Jeff thought of it, driving off the main roads and heading towards the Drs' house.
The weather was absolutely revolting, it had rained for the whole time since they could remember and the dark clouds in the sky just made it worst. Marty had disappeared off to the limbo again, as he did a lot lately. Laura was to blame mainly, as she kept Marty busy. Jeff didn't mind, he was happy his friend was happy again and that Laura kept Marty away from him and Jeanie. Thanks to Laura Jeff had the courage to propose to Jeanie. After endless family dinner quit got to know Jeannies' mom and dad, now there was one thing left to do. And that was go see the man who began it. "Damn it!" thought Jeff as he looked ahead. The sign that said they couldn't go further on this road glowed with red lights that blinked and only made Jeff get more irritated. He hated it when this happens. Jeannie calmed him down and he swore for a bit "He's so manly when he does that" she thought, smiling and running her fingers in Jeffs' molting hair. "Looks like we'll have to turn back" he said when calmed. They only drove backwards for several seconds before a loud bang was heard and the car stopped abruptly "What was that bang?!" panic could be heard in Jeannies' voice. She knew the sound and didn't want to hear it now. The bang was of a flat tire in the creation, if there's one place she didn't want to have a flat tire in was here, in this Scottish mud and rain. Jeff leaned his head on the steering wheel and started swearing again "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" shouts didn't held "what's wrong Jeff?" something in Jeannies' tone told Jeff she was patronizing him and that patronizing wasn't hers'. He could hear Martys' patronizing tone in her voice, he hated it when he messed up and Marty said his "what's wrong Jeff" as if to a stupid little boy. "I forgot to put a spare tire in the car before we drove off. Now Marty stared at him through Jeannies' eyes, they were mocking him for his stupidity. They stared at each other for some minits, finnely Jeanie looked aside and frowned at bit "didn't we pass a castle a few miles up the road? Maybe they have a phone we could use" she got out of the car slamming it's door as hard as she could. And they didn't even bring umbrellas "How could we be so stupid?!" Jeanie murmured as she stood in the rain, glaring at Jeff angrily. He offered his newspaper. Not that it was any help but it was something, Jeanie opened the newspaper and held it above her head, Jeff would just have to do with getting wet, she was too angry at this burst of stupidity. Sometimes when you get so worked out on somebody, the more you're happy about him is the more you're disappointed from every little stupid thing they do. Jeanie was VERY happy about her engagement to Jeff… before following his fiancée Jeff kicked the flat tire as a manly sort of expressing yourself.
The rain turned into a true storm as the wind became stronger and lightening ripped the heavy, black and pendent clouds in the sky. They finely found the castle, the storm couldn't let them look up high enough to look it all up but they have noticed the entrance. There was a small amount of stairs and the big black wooden door was decorated by two big gargoyles that looked more like Scooby-Do on acid on each side of it. The few knocks on the door sounded like they echoed into all the castle, it was more then scary, Jeff was afraid the owner might appear angry at the door after his sleep was bothered by them two. Jeannie looked around getting more and more frightened as they stood there. This place was so scary she really expected the door to open and for a pale, slim servant with long blond hair and a heavy case of baldness to open the door, give them a long look and say "Hellllloooo" in a creaky voice. But it wasn't so, a small window in the door opened and they could see one big black eye investigating them, they tried to smile to the eye and could hardly complete the mission as they were shivering with cold. The door was swung open after a series of unlocking sounds, a man opened the door and hurried them in. he looked pretty young, at about 25. He had black hair to his chin that framed his face, a black mustache and goatee and two big black eyes. he looked at them worried and invited them in the living room, offering them a seat by the fire and rushing to get something from a near room. As he ran his robe of black silk, decorated by kimono-like patterns of leaves. The living room was big and not very lit. Some candlesticks for a multiple number of candles stood around the room, lighting it romantically. The fire had a nice soft rug near it and Jeff and Jeanie rushed over there, putting their hands in front of the fire, getting quickly warmer and warmer. Once they felt a bit dry and their confidence regained both started turning around to check the room further. two big marble statues stood on one side of it, they were one of a man with a very large snake fighting-being pampered by the muscular man and one of a woman doing the same thing, both statues seems quit identical but different bodies to the human figures. Dark purple velvet curtains covered the big windows on each side of the room and a big black piano is all both managed to catch before the young master of the house entered the room, followed by a good smell of food. He returned carrying two big bowls of soup and placed them on a glass table in front of the fire. "oh but darlings, I didn't mean you to sit on the floor, you'll catch your death like that, hurry up and sit down on the sofa" they obeyed to the sound of parenting is his voice "here, I warmed up some of my emergency chicken soup for you, eat it while it's hot or it won't be very helpful" "chicken soup?" "the Jewish penicillin" the man answered jeffs' question with a somewhat proud grin. "while you're eating I'll introduce myself. My name is Anatoly Rudimatzav this castle I just got as a part of the heritage I got from my grandfather. I just moved in and just succeeded in making it quit cozy, what do you think of it" as he asked he moved his hand in a big arch above and around the room. Jeanie stopped her gulping of the soup to answer "very nice, you really created a romantic living room in a big castle stuck in god-knows-where" she was still a bit angry at the flat tire and at Jeff. "yes, this castle is a bit far away from everything, but it's got it's benefits! You can kill and bury anyone you want and no one will hear about it!". Jeff and Jeanie had too much detectivness in them to take that as a joke, they stared at their host for a minute "I'm just kidding!" he smiled and they smiled back. "I'm Jeff Randal, and this is my fiancée Jeannie, our car broke down a few miles up the road, d'you have a phone we could use?" "ooo, I'm afraid I don't have a phone here, but if it's not something that complicated I'm sure I can fix it, I'm a hell of a mechanic" Anatoly smiled at them both "we have a flat tire" "that'll be easily fixed, tomorrow morning, when I can see what I'll be doing" After the soup was finished he Anatoly offered them some beef and they excepted that, starved after a long drive from their hostel in Bristol, then he offered them some desert: chocolate pudding and they excepted that too. Finely they both sat, all stuffed and warm near the fireplace, they both became sleepy Anatoly noticed that, suddenly he jumped to his legs. "oh, how stupid of me! I feed you and sit you by the fire but you're still in your soaky clothes!!!" now that he mentioned it Jeff and Jeanie did start feeling the weight of their still wet outfits. "now, I tell myself over and over, just like my mother taught me, good hospitality is everything!" Anatoly kept rebuking himself "come, I'll show you to your rooms and you'll get long hot shower, then it's off to bed with you, you look like you're going to fall asleep still standing". Before Jeff had the chance to gather his tired thoughts and tell his kind host that he and Jeannie will share a room a pile containing a rather big, soft and white towel and a blue silk robe was shoved to his hands and he was pushed into the bathroom. The same was done to Jeannie just that she got the chance to thank Anatoly for his kindness, he thanked her with a twinkle in his dark eyes.
Repeating the very same thing Jeff did a few minutes ago Jeannie got out of the bathroom of her room. She was in a small dilemma; her underwears and bra were soaking wet but she brought no pyjama on her, should she sleep in her wet underwears or should she put her robe on? At first she wanted to stay in her underwears but then she sat on the bed. Soft and warm already, it tempted her to curl up on it without nothing wet and cold on her. She wrapped herself with her pink silk robe and laid in the bed. without even tucking herself in the duvet she fell asleep almost instantly. In the middle of the night Jeannie woke up from a nightmare. In her dream Marty sat on the edge of her bed, all dressed in white, he'd stare at her with such a dirty look in his eyes she never saw in him, as she woke she gave a small scream of alarm. She sat up in her bed and tried to relax, she lay back after returning her breath to its' normal pace. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. The strange dream was enough for her for one day, she was frightened and puzzeled.
Through the slightly transparent pink fabric of her beds' canopy she saw a figure outside the door, a small slit in the door opened.
"who is this, who's there?" he voice was slightly frightened, although she tried to stay cool "that's only me Jeannie" Jeffs' soft voice calmed Jeannie down. "Jeff darling, come in". he did, and he crawled into the bed too, he rapped his arms around her and he started kissing her ear and her neck. "oh…Jeff…oh..oh…yes! My darling...oh, but what if…" she didn't want the landlord to hear.
" don't worry Jeannie, everything is going to be alright" he returned to his kissing after that, now his kisses were more and more aimed to her breasts.
"oh I hope so my darling…oh…" she ran her fingers in his hair again and found that it moved quit funnily. As she clung to it, she removed it from his head. That was a wig, and that wasn't Jeff.
"O! O! OH IT'S YOU!!" Anatolys' face suddenly appearing from her chest area where he began kissing her made Jeannie so angry she screamed.
"I'm afraid so Jeannie, but isn't this NICE" he sounded to smug at his little trick to fool Jeannie.
"oh, oh you beast, you monster! Oh what have you done with Jeff?!" "nothing…why? D'you think I should?" Anantoly had a serious look on his face that made that sound like Jeannies' offer was quit real.
"OH! You tricked me, I wouldn't have, I'd never…ever…" the long day and the traumatic flat tire showed it's signs on Jeannie as she started panicking. "yes, yes, I know, but it isn't all bad is it?" he leaned forward on her, making her lay back again, kissing her body "I think you found it quit (kiss) pleasurable (kiss)" "oh (kiss) oh (kiss), stop, I mean help (kiss)" finely he gave her a kiss in a place too pleasurable the feeling of it made her sit up again screaming "oh Jeff, OH JEFF!!!" "shhhhh!!!!!" Anantoly grew angry "Jeff's probably asleep by now, d'you want him to see you, like THIS" while saying "this" Anatoly grabbed her open legs, swung them up in the air and layed on top of her, that was too rude.
"OH! Like this?! Like how?! It's your fault, you're to blame!". Jeannie was frustrated by now. She was just engaged to a man she hoped won't die on her like the last man who did it, she was happy with it but he acted up pretty dumb so far and now this total strange her makes he feel so good. She pounded her fist on the bedside "and I wanted to celebrate our engagement" "ummm, now, I'm sure the celebration stuff in you is not spent, yet" Anatolys' eyes offered her a forbidden fruit she already starting to crave for, a small grin was in the corner of his mouth. Oh what the heck, she'll be married to him soon then she'll have enough time to sleep with him, in the meantime she can use the time she has until she's finely tied down.
"well…you promise you won't tell?" "cross my heart and up to die" now he was taking her nipple in his mouth, running his tongue on the tip of it, it shot pleasure all over her body, she felt herself sinking and becoming more randy at the second. She giggled onwards as he kept this. "Damn he was good, and he was very equipped too!" She giggled herself to sleep as Anatoly left the room.
Jeff had the very same nightmare about Marty on the edge of his bed but he didn't wake up from it screaming, he just opened one eye to make sure it wasn't really so. Now he was totally awake. He wished he wasn't such a sod earlier on. After all, they just got engaged and he already made the fool out of himself. he wished he could make Jeannie stop being angry with him, he wanted her in his arms, he needed love. Suddenly the door to his room opened and someone stormed in, he couldn't see who it was through his beds' blue canopy but he recognized Jeannies' voice, she sounded frightened.
"oh, oh Jeff darling, it's no good here, it'll destroy us!" Jeff couldn't guess what made Jeannie sound so stupid. but she curled into the bed, lay next to him and wrapped her arms around him, lying her head on his shoulder. he forgot it all, he just wanted to comfort her and was happy her trust in him returned to her. Marty appeared next to the bed with a choked giggle "she wants you to reassure her she's safe Jeff, tell her something, be a hero!" he decided to ignore his friends' rude manner of appearing just when you need him less and take his device.
"don't worry Jeannie, we'll be away from here in the morning" he tried to sound like Marty when he knew what he was doing.
"oh Jeff you're so strong and protective.". that was cute, stupid, but cute, he ran his fingers through her hair, it moved off her head quickly, it was a wig! He gave a shout of surprise and another one as he discovered who this really was. "YOU?!?!?!?!" Anantolys' face was the last thing he wanted to find in his bed now. "I'm afraid so Jeff but isn't it nice?" as he said that with a joyful melody to his words, he gave Jeff a few kisses on his neck.
"WHYYY YOU!!!" angry, Jeff pushed his host off of him "what have you done with Jeannie?!"
"nothing, why, d'you think I should?" Anantoly had a serious look on his face that made that sound like Jeffs' offer was quit real.
Jeff stared at him for a moment "you tricked me, I wouldn't have…" he looked Anatoly up and down the thought of homosexuality made him think of Marty and that just made his mind scream "I'd never-never…" "yes, yes I know" Anatoly sounded a bit angry "but it isn't all bad is it, not even half-bad Jeff?" he leaned forward on Jeff, making him lay back again, kissing his body "I think you quit (kiss) enjoyed it (kiss)" Jeff did enjoy it, he felt himself melting as Anatoly moved his kissing lover and lower, he mumbled something about softness.
"oh….oh…stop, stop…oh, Jeannie…ohhh...JEANNIE!!!" he sat up shouting her name remembering what he was doing and who he should actually be doing it with. "shhhhh!!!!!" Anantoly grew angry "jeannies' probably asleep by now, d'you want her to see you, like THIS" while saying "this" Anatoly grabbed jeff's open legs, trew them up in the air and laid on top of him, that was too rude.
"OH! Like this?! Like how?! It's your fault, you're to blame!…I thought it was the real thing!" the word thing was followed by a blaming finger pointed at Anatoly. Maybe Anatoly felt the presents of a man like Marty around Jeff and what he did to him, he had enough of this shouting and objection. "oh stop it Jeff, admit it, you liked it didn't you (kiss) it isn't a crime (kiss) giving yourself over the pleasure (kiss) you've wasted so much (kiss) time already (kiss)". "that was true" thought Jeff as he felt Anatolys' kisses making him very hard. A stranger might be the only man Jeff will get to experience until he's married, since Martys' quit dead. "Jeannie (kiss) wouldn't know (kiss) I won't tell her (kiss)" Jeff sighed and looked down on Anantoly's head getting closer and closer to his crutch.
"well you promise you won't tell?" "(sigh) on my mothers' grave" the word grave was hardly said right since Anatolys' mouth was full of Jeff.

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on their way to Dr. Whales again, Jeff and Jeannie sat in their repaired car thinking about anything but bad things of last night. Their last real wilding out before settling down. Jeannie couldn't stop thinking about her nightmare of Marty and his white suit, she felt like there was something quit real behind it, perhaps she wasn't dreaming but just woke up from a dream to see him?! Nah….
Jeff couldn't stop wondering about last night. Marty had superb night vision, he could have noticed Anatolys' features and not be fooled to think it's Jeannie entering his bed. Then why did he encourage him to keep Anatoly in his bed?! They both forgot all about it as they reached Dr. Whales' house.




P.S: and remmember kids, good hospotality is everything