JUNIOR VOODOO   by Meirav Rath


Bob Mortimer and Vic Reeves took a weekend off of everything to clear out their minds and get some work done for the new Shooting Stars season. They met up at Jims' beach house. Bob came in a bit late but it didn't matter, Jim welcomed him with a cold alcoholic mix of some sort, freshly made. "You sure we should start drinking so early Jim?" Jim shrugged and returned the jug of highly alcoholic mix to the fridge. They sat down and started munching on their usual writing mixture of biscuits and crackers. Writing went a bit slow but they still sat on it 'till noon, when hunger started kicking in. they both went down to the kitchen to catch some lunch.
Lunchs' atmosphere was a bit murky, both Jim and Bob started thinking about the past. "that went pretty slow can't stop thinking about the kids" Bob finely spoke "I'm not used to just clear off to so far and for such a long time without returning sometimes. I didn't like it with the Randal and Hopkirk shootings and I don't like it now!" "Hmmm" Jim would agree more but his mouth was full. "I'm OK, I know Sarahs' and Julias' with the kids" Bob sneered ironically "yeah well, aren't you lucky your kids have two moms". Silence. Jim decided to pretend he didn't hear that "still, I remember better writing times" "you know when it was easy? When we didn't have a past of shows, all sorts of things we already did and all sorts of things people expect from us!" "oh yeah. I remember sitting with you and writing to Big Night Out, it was like inventing a whole new world". They fell silent again. "Hey Bob, d'you remember the time when we sat in my writing room and this swallow flew in and made a mess in the room?" they laughed "and it tried to get out of the shut window and banged against the glass". They fell silent again as the memory of the then dead of brain damage bird stroked them. Still the sad and cold atmosphere was clear of them, the sun shone from the window and the lovely day made them feel better. Jim sighed "you know Bob, I can't get a lass" "you can't get a laugh?" Jim laughed then frowned "where do I remember it from?" "Jim man! We wrote that!!!" "Oh did we?" Bob looked at Jim and laughed quietly "honestly Jim, you're growing senile in your old age" now Jim laughed too. "Oh…that was a funny sketch wasn't it?" Bob sighed and looked away for a moment he looked around the table shyly, he grabbed his plate and glass and stood up "I'll clear up here, why not go upstairs and clear up the mock we left there?". Jim agreed and fled up. They both were running from another memory that hit them.

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the year was 1994 and Jim and Bob were up in Jims' writing room, in his old home in Kent. "Now, lets' continue this Voodoo thing, I like it…" Bob thought for a while, a spark of an idea was lit in his eyes. "Vic, do you do voodoo?" "I do do voodoo, do you do voodoo?" "no, I don't do voodoo, I do judo" they laughed. "no, no, Bob, this is good, the audience will be startled. Bob, Bob, you do Judo but you don't do voodoo?" "I do judo but I don't do voodoo…judo, voodoo, judo, voodoo" Bobs' speech was becoming a muttering giggle. Jim looked at him, shrinking into his shirt and laughing like a little boy, he looked so small and cute when he did that. Bob had always amused Jim with his behavior that seemed to appear only in cute little Bob…did he just call him "cute "?.
Bob returned Jim from his thoughts with more sketch talk, "I think people will be tired of it by now….why would I ask you if you do voodoo?" "oh, that's cause of can't get a lass" "oh….Vic, I can't get a lass" "you can't get a laugh?" they laughed at the witty answer "eh, that's good….now what?" "I offer you a spell?" "yeah!…what sort?" "I'll spray you with some aerosol!" "a voodoo potion!" "no! Junior voodoo" "ok" "then we'll have lots of girls' coming and jumping on me!" Jim frowned and a thought had accrued to his mind. "how about that instead of spraying you with the mans' spray I spray you all full of the ladies' potion, one that attacks men!" Bob stared at him for a while with a little bit of embarrassment, then a little smile appeared on his face "yeah, could be nice. But then you'd be under it's spell" "yeah well, I'll do it comical, come on, lets' play it out. Bob gave him that stare again, this time it was shorter and Jim thought he noticed a little glittering in Bobs' eyes.
"I can't get a lass! A lass, listen to me!" "oh, that's no problem. That's what Junior Voodoos' for!. That's when I pick up this aerosol…." "do that trick with it flying between your hands, like you try to catch it" "yeah yeah, OK, I spray you, then I look at it and sees it's for ladies" "Ok, now i……what do I do?!" "Look at another paper or an album or something!" bob pretended to look at an imaginary paper and talked to an imaginary crowd. Meanwhile Vic pretended to look him out. He did actually, but he thought looking him out wouldn't be much for the audience. "I loooove youuuu, more then words can say" Bob stared at him and laughed, he could hardly manage to say "that's a good one" through his giggling. Soon Bob pulled himself together again and kept on pretending to talk to the audience, Vic however thought trying to get close to Bob would be better, first he just stared out at Bob getting closer and closer. He moved onwards to put his hand on Bobs' shoulder and lean his head on it like he was pretending to be a pirates' parrot. While leaning his head on Bobs' shoulder he could see Bobs' ear, surprisingly it was all red, like Bob was getting embarrassed by something. A crazy thought came to Vics' mind as he thought of pulling his friends' leg a bit. He got closer and took Bobs' earlobe gently between his teeth. Bob stuttered for a while but he calmed himself thinking he ought to get this right should Vic do this while they're shooting the show. But Jim went a bit further then that, he actually licked Bobs' lobe. With the tip of his tongue Jim played with Bobs' lobe then moved onwards to explore the rest of the ears' texture gently. He shouldn't do that on screen, thought Bob, he's' going too far, is he joking?! He must be, I'll show him!. Before Jim could see it coming his buddy turned to him, grabbed his head and landed a kiss on his lips. Well, you couldn't really call it a kiss, Bob was too frantic to do that, it was more like pressing his lips against Jims'. Before Bob could think he should have seen it coming he felt Jims' hands wrap around him, tightening Bob to his body and forcing the pressing kiss to last longer then he planned it to be. Finely Jim had let him loose enough to part their heads. Bob was breathing heavily and looked pretty much shocked and a bit frightened. Jim on the other hand looked pretty calmed and happy with himself. the fast grabbing of each other had forced Bob to place one leg on Jims' and now he was running his hand along the thigh while looking at Bob with a little smile on the corner of his mouth. Bob stared at him, studying his face from this position, in this mood for the first time. Jim was indeed a beautiful man, as Bob always thought he's good looking. His new hairstyle suited him too. Finnely, after some minutes of staring at each other, Bob leaned forward and kissed Jims' lips again, softer this way. He was welcomed by an open mouth, the tip of the tongue that explored his ear now ran over his lips in one of the most erotic things Bob could remember. They kissed further, Jim could taste the biscuits Bob was nibbling at before and it made him smile to think of Bob munching along at something, like a little squirrel, he could see it in his imagination, like one of his drawings. Jims' thoughts flowed onwards until he felt a nervous hand running over the base of his neck and over his chest, trembling a bit. Jim tightened his grip, forcing Bob to sit in his lap, legs spread. Feeling a little resistance from the still a bit frightened Bob, Jim ran his hands on Bobs' back, calming and sensual at the same time. Bob felt more and more relaxed at the second, he felt Jims' warm mouth descending from his lips down along his neck and back to his ear, then in circles on his neck, it felt better then he could imagine. Bobs' hand slid under Jims' T-shirt, over the soft hairless chest. by an instinct from lovemaking with women both of Bobs' hands then grabbed on what would be Jims' breasts if he was a women, circling and running his thumbs on Jims' nipples. Jims' one hand one on Bobs' back but the other was exploring his mates' chest too, he could feel the muscles hard and developed. His hand dropped lower and started massaging Bobs' groin, it was warm and hard even with Bobs' insecurity and nervousness. Bob gasped as Jims' moves turned more practical and stopped his breath from time to time, he made a small repressed groan as he came, with his eyes close. Jim was still kissing his neck softly when he opened his eyes, dizzy and confused. They kissed more, with Jim leading Bobs' hand to do the same to him. Bob looked at down at Jims' penis in his hand, it was like holding his own just without the feeling of his hand on himself, still it felt strange to think the swollen and hard organ in his hand is Jims', it made him even more embarrassed and insecure. Just when Jims' hands were starting to slid under his boxers Bob's embarrassment reached it's peak. "Jim!" "mmm, yeah?" "ummm….lets'…stop here….please…we've had enough already" he placed Jims' penis back where it was and sat back on his chair, not able to look at his friends' face again, his were all red. Jim sat back looking puzzled at him. The awkward silence was broken by the sound of Sarah, calling her husband down. That was more then an icebreaker, it was a wakeup call.

*************

for the last half an hour, as the flashback drained on both Jim and Bob they kept away from each other. The memory was still too vivid. Strangely Bob didn't see it as such an embarrassing memory anymore, if they'd have that today they'd both take it further. Now they were both a little looser on their relationships and commitments. Jims' voice ripped Bob out of his thoughts.
The alcoholic jug had returned from the fridge and there was no point to pretend they had no reason to drink now. They finished it up, it was nearing refined alcohol in boozing level. Sitting on the porch facing the beach Bob and Jim started feeling the chemical hitting their brains, it all becoming swirli and dizzy. The sun shone on them and their British bodies were sweaty at the surprising heat. Jim was fed up with it all, the sun, the sweat, the merry-go-round his scull seemed to be for his brain and most of all the memory of Bobs' rejection of him. He had enough of that, was he that bad?! He wished he was like Bob, muscular and hairy, instead he had a sleek chest in the color and texture of an overcooked noodle. He wished he had mighty chest hairs like Bob, he wished he would have some shape to his upper body, he sneered. "I'm tired of this shit, let's go to the beach and soak ourselves!" Bobs' mind had a little twister in of its' own too but that didn't stop him from wobbling after Jim. They lost most of their clothes and ran to the water. Bob just won the battle against drunkenness on the no-mans'-land of his zipper and button when he noticed Jim was running nude to the water. For a while he stood there, planted in the wet sand of the water-edge and in his pants, then he stepped into the water too.
Laughing and giggling, spraying water at each other, they did wisely and didn't attempt to swim at their condition. Whizzing about in Bobs' head were fragments of the flashback, little bits of the past and the thoughts he had of the future, amongst them all laid one little decision; he should have acted otherwise. Jims' head was full too, he was insulted and the feeling was enhanced by the alcohol. He stumbled about in the water after the last splashing fight ended with salt water in his eye. His vision wasn't that good without his glasses but this was a bit too bad, his eyes was itching and stinging and that damn sea pollution didn't help at all!. Bob hobbled over to Jim, putting one hand on his back and trying to look up to his face, Jim was rubbing his eye. Bob remembered vaguely that it was bad to do when something disturbs your eye, he grabbed on Jims' hand to remove it from his face, that cracked Jim up. "Get off!!! *stumbling backwards* oh now you care! Now you want to touch me?! You bastard!!!!" "Jim man, I'm sorry, seriously, I am" that didn't make much of an impression (maybe because Bob was howling it out in a very drunken fashion),Jim was sulking like an extra spoiled Marty. Bob stumbled over, something in his head told him to pull himself together. He laid both his hands on Jims' shoulders, looking at Jims' face Bob came closer to Jim until their foreheads were touching, they leaned on each other for some moments. "if I could rehears time, I wouldn't stop us Jim, I wouldn't…honestly". "rehears time?" this time Jim didn't laugh at Bob like he always does when Bobs' tongue slips, he raised his head 'till his nose was touching Bobs' and kissed him. They stood in the water, one man naked and the other might as well be naked, kissing and holding each other closely. Jims' mind took him back to the very second before Bob asked him to stop. He was just about the grab Bob's behinds and massage them a bit, in real time he did that, feeling how the cheeks filled his hands and how they were Playtex-like to his fingers moving on them. Bobs' kiss was definitely more passionate, or was it the alcohol? Jim was no longer sure, he didn't trust Bob on that bit anymore. But he wanted to proof something to himself, still hugging Bob Jim started moving towards the sand.

When finely out of the water, they sat down, still kissing and touching each other. Bob found that the water had made Jims' chest smoother to touch and he did what he had missed doing since that incident up in the writing room, he moved his open palm all over Jims' chest, looking deep into his eyes with a great smile in his. Trying to recall the things he had done back then Jim ran his tongue in circles in Bobs' mouth and on his lips, kissing each lip and tasting the salt of the sea on them. Moving lower on Bobs' body Jim had made an invisible line down from Bobs' mouth to his chest, his nipples and back to his ears. Bobs' was laying still, gasping quietly with pleasure. Moving onwards, Jim continued the circular motion of his tongue over Bobs' chest and lower to his naval then lower and lower still until his mouth touched the tip of Bobs' penis. Bobs' breath was taken from him for a moment as he first felt his boxers stripped off of him and then the warmth of Jims' mouth on his penis. The cold of the wind against his wet body, suddenly broken by Jims' mouth, which was hot with passion and arousal, had doubled the sensation. While running his tongue fully on Bobs' manhood, focusing more and more on the sensitive head and rubbing it against the roof of his mouth, while his head was much lower, Jims' hands were petting Bobs' chest and all down to his thighs. Bob was never given a better head, orgasm was like a bomb had exploded in his groin. Jim dragged himself to face Bob. They kissed and held each other in their arms forcefully, as if clinging to each other in the middle of a storm. The swirling in Bobs' head made him focus on Jims;' kiss too much to feel his legs being spread and Jims' straining erection enter him. Leaning on his elbows and garbing Bobs' head in his hands, Jim arched over Bob and managed to kiss him all along the thrusts. Years ago, in the writing room Bobs' fear of a painful sex made him stop their randy-ing about, now he found out he was quit wrong. he enjoyed the increasingly strong thrusts and the feeling of Jims' body, getting hotter and more passionate at the second made him almost read Jims' pleasure like he seemed to have read his mind at times. Pleasure swapped Jim off from Bobs' lips, he made a small cry and rested his lips on Bobs' cheeks panting. The swirling in Jims' head and the sound of the waves behind them made Jim feel like there's a whirlpool inside his head. He opened his eyes to see Bobs' calm face near him, beaming with love. He was smiling his little Bob-smile that Jim adored so much. They laid on the sand, hugged and sleepy.

The British weather stroke again, clouds and cold wind came from the east, turning the once sunny beach into the usual Grey British coastline. Bob and Jim got up and stared at the darkening sky, swaying gently. The cold wind bit their bare skin and they both got up and moved back to the house. Grabbing a blanket from the sofa, Bob wrapped it around himself and sat in front of the fire, which Jim was just struggling to light. Looking pretty ridicules and not noticing it due to the high level of alcohol in his blood, Jim managed to start a fire, still stark naked. He stumbled backwards and fell on the carpet besides Bob. He sat up and wrapped himself with some of the blanket. They sat and waited until the fire was strong enough to warm up and dry them both. Staring at the fire, Bob leaned his head on Jims' shoulder, it was in the right height for hi to do so. Jim landed his hand on Bobs' thy, leaning his head on Bobs'. After a little while of sitting like that Bob turned his head and kissed Jims' neck, he was answered by a kiss. Grabbing Bobs' head again and pressing it against his, Jim deepened the kiss then finnely moved his hands lower on to Bobs' chest then around his back. His fingertips were both exploring Bobs' back and removing the blanket very slowly. The blanket wasn't needed anymore, their own body heat, increasing, was enough to keep them warm. Bob was now on top, still just kissing Jim. His hand wanted to complete a circle from the past, when he wouldn't return a wank up in the writing room. Opening Jims' legs, Bob massaged Jims' groin, then the sensitive bit between his testicles and where he was heading for, Jim was trying not to breath too loudly but his mate made him feel too good. Finely, Bob drew himself closer to Jim and made himself way to penetrate. Leaning like that above him, Jim could see Bobs' arms with their muscles in action, he looked so manly it surprised Jim how he liked it, him, a blond chaser such as himself. Jim just lay there, enjoying the expressions and sounds that came out of Bob as he rocked 'till he came. He was still breathing heavily when Bob finely stopped and crashed on his mates' hot body.
The alcohol and the energy they both spent made their bodies heavy and sleepy. Jim covered them both with the large blanked and cuddled Bob next to him, Bob was fast asleep. Leaning his head next to Bobs' with his nose touching Jims' lips he could feel Bobs' soft sleep breathing. The feeling of the still warm soft skin of Bobs' genitals on his inner thy escorted him to heavy alcoholic sleep.