Jeff fumbled with his keys, trying to get them into the lock without breaking his kiss with Jeannie. They'd been together a little over a week now, and Jeff was in seventh heaven. He'd always loved Jeannie, admiring her from afar back in the days when she was Marty's girlfriend. Since Marty died, Jeff and Jeannie had gradually grown closer. Jeannie had kissed him when he was at death's door a month earlier, and their relationship had blossomed ever since.

Of course, there was the small matter of Marty's ghost, who was still haunting Jeff and seemed ambivalent at best about the relationship.

Still, Marty was the last thing on Jeff's mind at that precise moment. With Jeannie's breath hot on his neck, his main concern was to get the door open so that the pair of them could strip their clothes off in private. It just wouldn't be right to do that sort of thing on the landing.

The door finally succumbed to Jeff's key-enhanced attack and the pair stumbled gratefully -- albeit gracelessly -- into Jeff's apartment. They closed the door, Jeannie leaning against it with a sigh.

"Alone at last!" she breathed.

"Oh yes," said Jeff.

Not perhaps the dazzling repartee for which he wanted to be known, but Jeannie didn't seem to mind. She wrapped her arms around his neck and levered herself up, wrapping one leg around his hips. Jeff wondered if he should initiate a conversation and ask her if she really wanted to be doing this up against his front door. But he decided that would be counterproductive. Instead, he slid down onto his knees and tugged at her tights and knickers until they were in a bundle around her ankles. He had to take her shoes off to free one of her ankles; the whole endeavour just wouldn't work if her feet were bound together by a pair of Pretty Pollys.

While he was on all fours in front of her, Jeff took the opportunity to kiss one of Jeannie's knees. She was wearing her black leather skirt, and he trailed kisses up the slit in the material, finally lifting the skirt up for a kiss on her thigh. "Oh Jeff," she murmured. He would have taken that as encouragement to continue, except that her hands were on either side of his head and seemed to be pulling him up. He scrambled to his feet and kissed her passionately. Jeannie's dark eyes were half-closed as she gripped his shoulders and leaned flat against the door. Jeff buried his face in her neck, some remnant of his brain wondering if the banging noise the closed door was making might disturb his neighbours. Not that he cared about his neighbours at this point. Anyway, even if the door didn't bother them, Jeannie was making some noises that would probably raise a few eyebrows. Jeff leaned against her and felt as if he really was in heaven. He soon lost all sense of the world around him. All he was aware of were Jeannie's nails digging into the fabric of his shirt and her voice muffled by the rushing blood in his ears.

"Oh my," said Jeannie finally, sliding down to sit on the floor as Jeff released her.

"Oh my is right. You're killing me, Jeannie." Jeff grinned contentedly and joined her on the floor, wriggling back into his trousers.

"In a nice way, I hope."

"It's a great way to die." Jeff kissed Jeannie and then smoothed her blonde hair tenderly. "I love you, Jeannie."

"I love you too."

They kissed again and Jeannie pulled on her knickers. "I'd better go to the loo."

"Okay."

He watched Jeannie open the kitchen door and then cross the living room to the bathroom. She looked quite comical with her skirt rucked up and her knickers half on. Comical, but absolutely adorable. Jeff got up groggily and went into the kitchen area to look for dinner. He got a frozen pizza out of the freezer.

"That was disgusting!"

Jeff nearly jumped out of his skin as Marty appeared beside him. "Marty!" Then the ghost's words sank in. "What do you mean--? Oh God, Marty, don't tell me you were watching!"

"Watching?" exclaimed the ghost, visibly offended. "No, Jeff, I was not watching. I just wanted to talk to you, so I turned up in your living room and found you and Jeannie doing a re-enactment of a scene from The Godfather. Makes a change from The Postman Always Rings Twice and Basic Instinct, I suppose, but not the sort of thing I want to hang around and watch!"

"Now that is disgusting," said Jeff, realising what Marty must have witnessed in the past few days. "You promised you'd give me and Jeannie some privacy!"

"Jeff, I've told you before, I don't know what you're up to until I get here, do I?" said Marty pointing at him. "You should be thankful I didn't actually make myself visible each time or I have a feeling Jeannie would have been a very disappointed young woman."

"I'd say!" Jeff imagined the scene -- Marty suddenly appearing while he was in mid-flow with Jeannie -- and then really wished he hadn't. He tucked his shirt back into his trousers and pulled up his braces with a scowl.

"So no, Jeff, I don't watch," continued Marty. "I go next door and scare the cat instead. Believe me, it's bad enough being dead without having to watch you in action. But this is getting to be a problem, Jeff. You're the only person I can visit in the mortal realm, and I'm finding it more than a little disturbing that your number one hobby these days seems to be shagging my ex-fiancée!"

"You're exaggerating, Marty," said Jeff, switching on the oven. "Jeannie and I have just got together... it's only natural for us to, um, want to spend some time together. I thought you were okay with that."

Marty crossed his arms and pretended to lean against the counter. "I'm not. Yes, I did think it would be okay when you first got together. I felt sorry for both of you. You've never been particularly lucky in love, and I thought Jeannie needed comforting after the shock of losing me. I just didn't realise you'd be competing for the lay of the century."

"Ah, don't be so daft." Jeff decided the oven was hot enough now and shoved the pizza into it. "I mean, what did you think we'd do, play scrabble all the time? Mind you, I did think you were taking it very well when Jeannie and I got together. I suppose you hadn't really thought it through."

"No... I hadn't," admitted Marty reluctantly. "I think I was trying not to think about it. I was so busy being all self-sacrificing and generous that I forgot what effect all this would have on me."

"I have to say I was a little surprised at your self-sacrifice and generosity myself," said Jeff. He poured himself a glass of wine. "It's not like you to be so selfless. If I didn't know better, I'd say you were making it up to me for something."

Jeff could have sworn he saw a flash of guilt in Marty's expression, but it was gone before he had time to comment on it.

"Nah, I just want you to be happy," said the ghost insincerely.

Marty and Jeff both looked up as the bathroom door opened and Jeannie came out. She was wearing nothing but her necklace, and scampered across the living-room to get something from her bag. She flashed a smile at Jeff. "I think I'll just have a shower," she explained before trotting back into the bathroom.

"Damn, I wish I wasn't dead!" exclaimed Marty. He aimed a kick at the bin and nearly lost his balance as his foot went through it. "None of this would have happened if I'd stayed alive. I would be married to Jeannie right now and living happily ever after. Not having to put up with you taking my place!"

"I'm not taking your place," said Jeff, leaving the kitchen with his glass of wine.

"No, I suppose not," agreed Marty, teleporting himself to Jeff's side. "How could you? I was a wonderful lover. It's a pity I'm dead, really. I could have brought a lot of happiness to the world."

"Hmm," grunted Jeff noncommittally. He sat down on the couch. Under normal circumstances, Jeff would have joined Jeannie in the shower, but it was difficult with Marty there. He wondered if Jeannie would be disappointed.

"I really like her, you know," said Jeff.

Marty sat on the sofa beside him. "I know. As I was saying, that's why I decided not to object when you started to chat her up..."

"I never chatted her up. If anything, she made the first move."

"Well, all right. But I could have been a lot more difficult about you and her getting together, you know. I let it happen because I could tell you were desperate."

"Desperate?" exclaimed Jeff.

"Absolutely. I mean, you were reduced to letting strange women tie you up in hotel rooms. Clearly, it was time you had a proper relationship. So when Jeannie seemed to get interested in you, I didn't do anything to stop her."

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Oh, and what could you have done to stop her?"

"There are all sorts of things I could have done," said Marty with a sweep of his hand. "I could have made sure a bad smell accompanied you everywhere you went. I could have blown your silly baldy cover-up off that bald spot of yours. I could have possessed you and made you do weird things whenever she was around. I could have made you snore again when you finally did get together. There's no end to what I could have done."

Jeff patted his hair instinctively, making sure his bald patch wasn't in evidence now that Marty had reminded him of it. "Well, I'm glad you approved of the relationship, then."

"Good," declared Marty smugly. "You should be grateful I decided you and Jeannie were better off together."

"How magnanimous of you," sneered Jeff. "I see matchmaking didn't go out with the War after all."

The ghost didn't seem to be listening. "I must admit, it does have some advantages for me. At least I can keep an eye on both of you at once, since you're mostly in the same location these days. Sometimes in too much of the same location, though."

Jeff shrugged and drank some wine. "But aside from that, it doesn't bother you?"

"Nah."

There was a pause. Emotions weren't really something blokes talked about. Marty had rarely discussed his relationship with Jeannie when he was alive, and seemed reluctant to do so now he was dead. But after a while, Jeff heard something like a sigh from the ghost.

"Well, yes, it does bother me," he admitted. He paused again before blurting out, "She... sometimes, she'll say something to you and it's... just the way she used to talk to me. I look at her looking at you and I think 'hey, she used to look at me like that'. She calls you the same names, and smiles at you the same way, and... does the same things to you."

"That's probably a bit more than I wanted to know," said Jeff, shifting uncomfortably. "I can see why that would bother you." It bothered Jeff, too.

Marty grinned wickedly. "Still, at least I know I passed her on to someone I can keep an eye on."

Jeff didn't answer. He knew Marty was just winding him up. The ghost was probably going to enjoy making Jeff feel that anything Jeannie did with him was something she had already done with Marty.

The man and his ghost sat in silence for a while. Jeannie was singing loud and flat over the music from the bathroom radio.

"I must say, you're some mate, Jeff," said Marty finally. "Of all the women in the world, you had to fall in love with my fiancée! No wonder you've had a miserable love life."

"Yeah," said Jeff. "Good timing and suitable choices, that's me."

"I suppose me dying turned out to be your lucky break," continued Marty.

"I wouldn't go that far," said Jeff, hoping to curtail any self-pity on Marty's part.

"No, really, you get supernatural help in your job, lots of exciting adventures, and you get the girl. My girl, as it happens. But at least it's an improvement on the life you led before. And you know what, I'm very happy for you." The ghost's voice was dripping with insincerity.

"Thanks."

"I'd still prefer to be alive, though."

"I wish you were alive too," said Jeff with a nod.

"Yes, then I could find myself another girlfriend and stop pestering you, right?" Marty paused and then looked at Jeff curiously. "You know, if you had a choice, what would you choose? A chance to undo my death and lose Jeannie, or would you just stick with things the way they are, with me dead and Jeannie in your bed? Or shower, as the case may be."

"That's a horrible question to ask!" exclaimed Jeff. He stood up and went to straighten the flowers in a vase Jeannie had brought over. "In effect, you're asking me if I'd rather have you or Jeannie." He thought about that for a moment. "Given a choice, the best solution would probably be for you to have stayed alive," he said with determination. "I'm sure Jeannie would have been happy with you after you got married, and I'd still have a real life partner to work with on my cases."

Marty looked at him dubiously. Jeff sighed and sat down again.

"No, you're right. I'd rather have Jeannie. You suit me fine as a ghost."

"Well, at least you're honest," said Marty gloomily. "It's the ideal compromise for you, isn't it? You get my help and you also get Jeannie -- and there isn't a flaming thing I can do about it. I suppose what they say is true about how a bloke forgets all about his mates as soon as he's in love."

"She's everything I've ever wanted, Marty," said Jeff pleadingly. "She's beautiful, intelligent, funny--"

"Willing to go to bed with you..."

"She's perfect."

"I know. That's why I was going to marry her, remember?" Marty shook his head. "I still can't believe she's actually going out with you."

The bathroom door opened at that moment, and Jeannie came out wrapped in a towel. Jeff felt some relief that she wasn't naked again. Even though Marty was presumably already familiar with her anatomy, Jeff found it disturbing to think someone was ogling his girlfriend when she thought she was alone with him.

Jeannie came and snuggled up to Jeff on the sofa. He let her kiss him -- he couldn't quite explain that they should be discreet because Marty was there. Jeannie slid her hand under Jeff's shirt, running her fingers over his hairy chest. All Jeff's concerns about Marty evaporated.

"Jeff, why are you still dressed?" asked Jeannie sensually. "You're not usually this shy."

"Okay, now I can believe she's actually going out with you," said Marty hastily. "I'm not staying around for the encore!"

The ghost disappeared. Jeff relaxed and hugged Jeannie tenderly. Her hair was damp and smelled of shampoo. The scent was very appealing; but then he'd already found that Jeannie was irresistible in any shape or form.

"I could hear you talking again," she said, her big brown eyes filled with amusement. "Getting better acquainted, were we?"

"Oh yes. I have fascinating conversations with myself," said Jeff flippantly, before adding, "Does that bother you?"

"Not really. It's one of your more worrying habits, but I think it's sweet. But then I think everything about you is sweet. And sexy."

Jeff heard Marty's voice in the distance. "I think I'm going to throw up."

Smiling, Jeff lay back and watched as Jeannie unbuttoned his shirt.