Jeff started as the computer made a ‘ping’ noise. Bloody error messages. As he clicked away frantically with the mouse, Jeff realised that his usual tactics of ‘press everything and hope it goes away’ weren’t working. Just when he needed Jeannie even more than he usually did she had to be out for a birthday lunch with her girlfriends. Jeff paused, read the error message again, and grinned. It read, "Jeff Randall should stop being such a lazy get and do some work". Marty’s face appeared on the screen.

"Alright Jeff! How’s things in fantasy land?" Jeff rolled his eyes.

"Things are just fine, Marty. Anyway, I am trying to do some work. It’s just a bit difficult when you keep popping up on screen like this."

"Bollocks! I do not keep popping up on screen. This is only the second time. It’s not my fault you don’t know how to use a PC properly, when I was alive I could’ve…" Marty was interrupted as Jeannie and two of her friends came giggling into the office. "I’ll be back later." Marty vanished.

Jeannie seemed a bit plastered. Jeff's spirits rose as she placed a pair of plastic horns on his head.

"These are for the party tonight", Jeannie was saying. "And I got this to wear, look!" She pulled a dress from one of her many shopping bags, and held it up against her body. "What do you think?"

"I think you’ll look beautiful," Jeff said sincerely. Jeannie’s friends shrieked and giggled as she planted a soft kiss on his forehead. Jeff was beginning to get his hopes up, but they came crashing back down to earth as he realised what she’d just said. If Jeannie was going out tonight in a dress the size of a postage stamp, then there was no chance she would come round to his flat, eat a meal he’d lovingly prepared (saying ‘prepared’ left him the option of getting a takeaway), and listen to his declaration of love.

"Tonight, you’re wearing that?" he asked. "Where are you going?"

"What was I thinking, I almost forgot!" She handed him an invitation. "You can come too."

Later that evening Jeff was feeling a lot happier. He was wearing his best shirt, his cleanest trousers, and his bald spot was hardly showing at all. It didn’t matter that they were going to a club. He could still tell Jeannie that he loved her, and this way it would be in an environment where she was comfortable, rather than his creepy bachelor pad.

As soon as he entered the club, Jeff realised his mistake. He could barely hear himself think. To make matters worse, Marty had discovered he glowed purple under UV light. Jeff was ignoring him, which didn’t please Marty.

"Jeff, you’re the only person I can show off to! If you ignore me, there’s no point in my even being here."

"Exactly", said Jeff. Marty vanished, pouting. Jeff spotted Jeannie over by the bar.

"Hi Jeff!" She had to lean close and yell directly in his ear, which pleased him.

"Can I get you a drink?" he asked. She kissed him on the cheek.

"Vodka and coke please." Jeff ordered the drinks, with a coke for himself. When he turned round Jeannie had gone. Sighing, Jeff carried the two glasses over to a couch and sat down. Why couldn’t there be a table, like in a proper pub. He took a sip of his drink. Strange… it was salty. Jeannie came dancing over, grabbed the other glass from his hand and took a sip.

"Hey Jeff, you’ve got my drink! This one’s got no alcohol!" She paused and looked closely at him. "Jeff? What’s wrong?" Jeff couldn’t reply. He felt dizzy and sick. He couldn’t move his lips. He could just about make out Jeannie bending over him, then his vision went black. He fainted.

Marty had given up trying to have fun. Dancing had been out of the question; people kept walking through him. Possessing people and making them act stupidly had soon lost its appeal. And no one could see him! At least up in Limbo there were other ghosts he could talk to. He retired to the edge of the dance floor to try and think of a way to annoy Jeff. A young couple came over and sat down through him.

"Hey, do you mind, that’s rude!" he snapped. No respect for the dead some people, and as for Jeff…

As soon as he began to think about Jeff he sensed something was wrong. He looked up and saw Jeannie and her friends, part of a large crowd surrounding something in the corner. Funny, it wasn’t like Jeff to be the centre of attention. Marty wandered over, and saw his partner slumped on the floor.

"Bloody hell! Jeff man, what’s wrong?" Marty stared around wildly. "Has anyone called an ambulance?" He knew no one could hear, but it made him feel a bit better. He saw Jeannie panicking, and longed to be alive to comfort her. A tall man, a member of staff, put his arm around her. "Get your slimy hands off her!" he growled. Jeannie was obviously thinking along the same lines, because she elbowed him sharply. Marty smiled proudly. Jeannie could always look after herself, whereas Jeff… What the hell had happened there? Marty wanted to stay and hear what the ambulance men said, but he could hear the familiar call of Wyvern. "Gotta go Jeff, I’ll be back soon. Please be okay", he whispered.

He was met by Wyvern’s grave tones.

"Mr Hopkirk...", he began. Marty interrupted.

"I can’t stay, something’s happened to Jeff!"

"Mr Randall is here, Marty." 

Marty’s ectoplasmic stomach suddenly felt cold. "He’s not… is he?" 

Wyvern smiled.

"No, Marty. Mr Randall is alive. He has been given a drug that induces temporary coma, so his spirit has come upstairs for a little while until the effects wear off. Would you like to see him?" Marty nodded frantically, and followed Wyvern down several twisting and winding corridors. He finally stopped in front of a door marked "Randall, J: Happy place". Motioned by Wyvern, Marty stepped through. He found himself standing in the middle of a field. A little way off he could see a miniature railway, like you found in most museum gardens. Jeff was sat on one of the carriages, an expression close to rapture on his face. Marty shook his head. This was too weird. He vanished, and reappeared directly behind Jeff.

"Stop this thing, Jeff!" he yelled. "I need to talk to you!"

"Aw, Marty!" Jeff grumbled. "What’re you doing here?" Nevertheless, he rose from the carriage. The miniature railway instantly vanished. Jeff sat on the edge of a giant sandbox that had appeared instead. Marty crouched beside him, and looked directly into his eyes.

"Can you remember what happened, Jeff?" Jeff frowned.

"I was in… a loud place. Jeannie was there… I drank something…" His voice tailed off, and he looked uncertain. Marty tried the direct approach.

"Someone gave you the date-rape drug."

"What? Why would anyone want to rape me!"

"I dunno, I can’t imagine why anyone would want to have sex with you in the first place", Marty joked, trying to diffuse the situation. It didn't work; Jeff was staring at the ground between his feet with a disturbed look on his face. Marty tried another approach. "Tell me about this ‘happy place’ then, I’ve never seen one before."

"That man Wyvern told me all about it. It’s an amalgamation of all the situations in my life where I’ve been completely happy, where there’s been no strain on me. It’s quite nice actually; I’ve had a bit of a wander round. If you go over there a bit there’s Whitby Bay."

"No Jeannie then?" Marty asked.

"Jeannie doesn’t make me happy. It makes me miserable to be around her, cos I want her so badly and she’ll never be mine." Marty was shocked at Jeff’s frankness, until he realised he was talking to Jeff’s subconscious. There were no layers of shyness or tact, or any other aspects of Jeff’s conscious personality to modulate what he was saying. Marty was about to ask Jeff what he really thought of him, when Jeff suddenly gasped. 

"Marty, I’ve just remembered something! I drank Jeannie’s drink!" Marty looked confused, and Jeff began to shake him. "He wasn’t trying to rape me, whoever it was, he was after Jeannie! The drug was in her drink!" Marty suddenly the truth in what he was saying. Jeff paced frantically. "You have to go down there and see how she is. Well go on then!" he almost screamed at Marty, who promptly vanished.

It was more difficult to home in on Jeannie than on Jeff, so it took Marty a few moments to materialise in the hospital. Jeannie was sat at Jeff’s bedside, holding his hand. She looked up as a doctor, whose badge read Dr Conlin, entered the cubicle carrying a clipboard.

"Doctor, what’s wrong with him?" Marty hated to hear the tremble in her voice. "He hasn’t moved, he hasn’t spoken… I don’t think he can even hear me. What’s happening to him?" Dr Conlin consulted his clipboard.

"I’m afraid it’s quite difficult to say, Ms Hurst, since there’s no way of determining what concentration or make of drug…" Jeannie broke in.

"Everyone keeps talking about drugs! But I know Jeff; he would never have taken drugs. I just don’t understand!"

"You mean no one’s explained it to her?" Marty yelled at the doctor.

"You mean no one’s explained it to you?" the doctor asked her. He looked shocked and sympathetic, and Marty felt some of his anger receding. Marty and Dr Conlin sat down. "Jeff has been given rohypnol, the date-rape drug. It’s quite unusual, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of it being given to a man before…" He stopped when he saw how white Jeannie had become. "Is something the matter?"

"Jeff drank my drink by accident", Jeannie whispered. "They would have raped me, if it hadn’t been for him." She turned and gazed adoringly at Jeff.

"Unless he has an adverse reaction to the drug, which we don’t think is likely, he should be awake in about six hours. Until then, would you like to talk to the police?"

Marty left the cubicle and went to report to Jeff. He found him still pacing, although more slowly. Marty could see the relief in his eyes when he appeared.

"How is she?" he asked, breathless.

"She’s fine. You’re not; you’re just lying there. This doctor stuck a huge great knife in your hand and you didn’t move an inch!" Jeff stared at his hand, aghast, then looked up at Marty with a grin.

"You lying get Marty!"

"It’s acupuncture!" Marty protested, but soon gave up. "I’m sorry, Jeff, I’m just a bit bored. There’s nothing we can really do until you can talk to Jeannie."

"Tell you what," Jeff said, his eyes sparkling. "We could go back to my old uni. It’s just over there."

"What’s so great about that?" Marty asked dubiously. He’d never fancied university. Or A-levels. Jeff grinned.

"Well, the reason I was so carefree and happy at university is that I was always very, very stoned."

They wandered through Jeff’s happy place until suddenly the scenery changed, and they were in a dingy student bedsit. Jeff took a deep breath and sighed. Marty stared round.

"Is this all you did at university then? No study or anything?"

"Naah." Jeff stretched out on the bed. "I could have been a world class lawyer, if I’d studied."

"Yeah, but then you’d never have met me", said Marty. He hated it when Jeff got pensive.

Jeff sighed again and took a joint.

"This stuff’s got a lot to answer for…"

While Jeff was experiencing events that would later seem like the strangest dream of his life, Jeannie gave her evidence to the police. They weren’t unfriendly, but they seemed harassed. They made her feel as though her case was merely one of thousands, which, she supposed, it was. There was still something that didn’t quite add up though, which she’d mentioned to the interviewer several times. She’d seen Jeff take the glasses from the barman, and she doubted he’d have left them anywhere before he sat down. So that meant that the only people who could have spiked the drink were…

Jeannie’s train of thought came abruptly to an end when she entered the cubicle and saw Jeff. He was lying on the bed, eyes half open, and his jaw was moving. She leaned forward to listen, but he simply continued to stare ahead blankly. She heard a cough, and turned. Dr Conlin was watching her sympathetically.

"That’s just a reflex action. He can’t control it." Jeannie sighed and turned back to Jeff.

"I thought he was trying to talk." It seemed wrong to see Jeff like this, Jeannie thought. His normally emotive face was flat and expressionless, and his eyes were vacant. They were meant to be deep and soulful and shining… suddenly she felt like crying.

Dr Conlin must have sensed how she felt. He came forward and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Why don’t you go home for a little while?? You’ll feel a lot better if you freshen up a bit, have a cup of tea…"

"I could do I suppose. I really want to be here when he wakes up though!"

"He won’t be awake for some time yet. If you can be back here within a few hours that’ll be plenty of time. Why not go home and make the bed up? After all, he’ll need somewhere nice to sleep when he gets out…" His eyes were twinkling, and Jeannie felt herself glowing bright red. He must think Jeff was her boyfriend!

"He’s not my…" she started to say, and felt her voice tailing off. Maybe it was the intensity of the protective feelings she was having towards him, maybe she was worried that somehow he’d hear her, but she couldn’t bring herself to say Jeff wasn’t her boyfriend. "Yes, I’ll do that", she muttered as she left the room.

Jeannie felt better when she got home. After she’d had a relaxing cup of coffee and changed out of her clubbing gear, she began to make up Jeff’s bed. She was extremely tempted to put a camp bed in her room, justifying it by telling herself she’d need to check up on him during the night. In the end though, her more practical side won over. Jeff was going to have to spend the night on the sofa. She arranged pillows at one end, then spread her best blanket, one her sister had brought her from a Navajo reservation, over the top.

The prospect of Jeff spending the night at her house thrilled Jeannie in ways she couldn’t explain. She’d seen him naked once before, when he’d crashed round at Marty’s in a drunken stupor. His rugged chest and, um, generous proportions had impressed her, even though she’d been madly in love with Marty then. She realised she hadn’t thought of Marty for a while. Her thoughts had been rather occupied with Jeff. Musing, she wandered round the flat for a while, until her heart told her where she really wanted to be. She grabbed her car keys and went back to the hospital to sit at Jeff’s bedside.

Jeff felt his legs give way beneath him, and he fell sprawling back onto the bed. He was beginning to wish he’d never left university. Surely he could have done a post grad, then a doctorate, maybe research… he could have prolonged his stay by ten years at least, surely. He gazed up at the ceiling, fascinated by the pattern of cracks. They looked like a system of rivers, irrigating a vast desert. This was a lot more fun than going to lectures- not that there were actually any to go to, he reminded himself. This was all in his mind. He wasn’t actually back at uni. Marty wouldn’t be found anywhere near a centre of learning, would he. The ghost was drifting lazily through the air. Suddenly, he giggled.

"What’s so funny?"

"You fell over!" Jeff tried hard to remember back.

"Oh yeah, I did." Marty descended in elegant spirals, until he was sitting on the floor by the bed. Something Jeff had said was bothering him. He hadn’t liked to mention it earlier, he couldn’t remember why. It probably didn’t matter anyway.

"Jeff, you know what you said earlier about Jeannie… that you love her."

"Yeah."

"But she doesn’t make you happy."

"She doesn’t, no. Why?" Marty rubbed his hands together. Any questions he asked Jeff would be answered truthfully, because he was technically speaking directly to Jeff’s subconscious. He felt guilty for a few seconds for taking advantage of this subconscious link, combined with the fact that Jeff was extremely stoned, but then he shrugged it off. This was too good to miss.

"So, how do you really feel about Jeannie?" Jeff sighed.

"I want to make love to her all day long, and all night, and then when we’re lying in each others arms she’d tell me she loves me. Then we’d do it again." Marty felt his eyebrows rising. For some reason, that statement hadn’t made him as angry as he should have been. He put it down to the dope, and pressed on.

"What about me?" Jeff turned on his side to face Marty.

"I think you’re great. You’re confident and funny, and I really admire how you just don’t let things bother you. You frustrate me though, cos I want you to admire me, and want me, but you just think I’m boring." That said, Jeff rolled back onto his other side, as casually as if he’d just told Marty the time.

Marty sat bolt upright, in a state of shock. Why did Jeff want him to want him? Did that mean Jeff wanted him too?

"I didn’t know you swing that way," he said nervously.

"I never used to." Jeff turned onto his front and gazed at Marty. "I was in my second year here. We had a guest lecturer from a chamber in London. He was gorgeous… I mean I wasn’t gay then, but I could tell he was gorgeous. I was right in the front row, and I got really hot every time he came near. I’m sure he must have noticed. Anyway, we all went to the bar after the talk, and he started chatting to me. He said I’d asked a very perceptive question." Jeff blushed, 20 years later, at how pleased he’d been. "After a while he asked if he could see my room, he said he’d had the same one when he was studying. It was a load of bollocks, of course. As soon as we got in there he grabbed me. He looked straight at me and asked if I was gay. I just stammered something, and he said ‘you know, I think you might be’. Then he said, ‘I’ll stop if you want me to’ and he started to kiss me. He got all my clothes off and he said I was gorgeous." Marty realised Jeff was speaking with a lump in his throat. "He made love to me here on the bed, then he held me till I fell asleep. When I woke up he’d gone back to London."

Marty reached out and stroked Jeff’s hair.

"Don’t, Marty, it’s frustrating. I know you don’t want to do it, so what’s the point?"

"I do want to! It can’t be that bad, can it?"

"That’s just the dope talking."

"Probably." Marty wasn’t so sure though. He’d seen pictures of Jeff at university. He’d looked very endearing, with his scruffy hair and clothes, and big brown eyes, and nothing much had changed. Marty didn’t fancy Jeff, but he was filled with affection and warmth. If there were something Jeff wanted, at that moment, Marty would’ve gone to the ends of the earth to get it. Fortunately, he didn’t have to. Cautiously, he leaned forward and kissed Jeff. It was a strange feeling, but not totally unpleasant. Not unpleasant at all, in fact. He pushed Jeff back onto the bed and kissed him again, then froze as he felt Jeff’s hands unfastening his flies. Jeff nibbled his ear reassuringly, then began to stroke him.

The sensation encouraged Marty to do some exploring of his own. He touched the front of Jeff’s trousers. It was strangely thrilling to feel the hard swollen mass, and to know he was the cause. Jeff sat up, and began unfastening his shirt with trembling fingers. Marty gently ran his fingers through the mass of curly hair exposed, making Jeff shiver. He embraced Marty and kissed him, pushing his jacket away from his shoulders and removing his tie.

"Do it now," Jeff whispered hoarsely, and lay face down on the bed. Marty cautiously pulled his trousers down, and eased off his slightly grey boxer shorts. Jeff did have rather a nice bum, he had to admit, but he was at a loss what to do with it.

"I think I’ll need Vaseline," he said, stalling for time. Jeff reached out and pulled a small tub out of a drawer. "Close to hand, eh?"

"I used to get really sore lips."

"I’m not surprised." Jeff groaned.

"Marty, will you please get on with it?" Marty squeezed his eyes tightly shut and applied the lubricant, trying to ignore Jeff’s moans of pleasure. He eased his way forwards until he was about to enter, then took a deep breath and thrust. Jeff cried out. Marty kept moving, trying not to allow the reality of his position to sink in. After a while, he became aware that Jeff was crying.

"I haven’t hurt you, have I?"

"It’s not that… This is the thing I’ve wanted most in my life, and you’re not even enjoying it." Closeness to orgasm was making Jeff slightly hysterical. "You bastard, how could you!"

"I’m sorry, it just takes a little while to get used to. I am enjoying it. I’m making love to my best friend." As soon as he realised that, Marty began to enjoy himself. He was making his best friend happy, expressing all the things you couldn’t say if you were a bloke, like tenderness and passion and… "I love you!" he yelled as he came, stabbing deeper into Jeff. Jeff cried out and writhed beneath him. His back arched up, and Marty embraced his trembling body. They sighed, and nestled into each others arms.

After a while, Marty found his gaze drawn more and more often to Jeff’s cock. Even in repose it was huge, the bloke was bloody well hung. He couldn’t stop wondering what it would be like to have another man inside him. Jeff obviously enjoyed it. He took a deep breath. This was obviously the night for new experiences.

"Jeff, are you awake?"

"Yeah, just thinking."

"Is it important? Only, I was wondering if you’d care to…" He began to caress Jeff gently, who began to harden again. The sight excited Marty tremendously. He swallowed. "Will you make love to me?" Jeff’s eyes were shining.

"You want me to do that to you?" He grinned broadly. "Take your shirt off." Marty obeyed. They were now both naked. Marty realised he was shaking. Jeff pushed him onto his front and began to massage him, gradually working his way down until his fingers were tracing patterns on the insides of Marty’s thighs. He bent forwards and began to lick his balls gently, making him shudder. Next, he pulled Marty’s buttocks apart gently and began to probe him with his tongue.

"Jeff, what the hell are you doing back there?!"

"Just enjoy it," Jeff murmured. "Relax, in fact." He began to hum the Frankie Goes To Hollywood hit as he slipped his finger gently inside and began to explore. He found the ghost’s sweet spot, and made him cry out. "I’m gonna do it now, Marty," he whispered. He lubricated himself, then began to make love with long gentle strokes. Marty was nearly crying, the feeling was so unbelievably good. He wanted to thank Jeff somehow.

"Jeff," he whispered, "I want to kiss you and go down on you and make love to you."

"All in good time." Jeff picked up the pace, and at the same time began to rub Marty’s cock. They built to a passionate climax, and collapsed into each other’s arms.

"It’s all running down me legs," Marty whispered.

"Sorry." They cuddled closer.

"I want to make love to you again now. Now I know what to do I can make it really good." He tried to push Jeff over, but Jeff was strong and he struggled. Marty grabbed his wrists, but Jeff placed his palms and his forehead against Marty’s chest in a gesture of submission that was so cute he let him off.

"I’m sleepy, Marty. All of a sudden, I don’t know why." Marty turned away.

"It means you’re waking up."

"What?" Before Marty could reply, Jeff vanished. The happy place instantly began to dissolve, until Marty found himself lying in the corridor he had started off in. And he was completely naked. Before he could cover himself, Wyvern leaned over him, a lecherous expression on his face.

"I think you’ve got some explaining to do. Mr Hopkirk."

Jeff awoke slowly, struggling through several layers of consciousness before he could finally open his eyes. The first thing he saw was Jeannie bending over him, looking radiant and beautiful. A nurse was trying to catch his attention long enough to shine a torch in his eyes, but he didn’t want to look. He wanted to gaze into Jeannie’s eyes forever. It couldn’t last, of course; eventually a doctor turned his head and held him still while his eyes and ears were thoroughly examined. Apparently he passed the test, as they all withdrew, leaving him alone with Jeannie. She squeezed his hand gently.

"Are you alright now, Jeff?" she whispered, looking at him with concern.

"I’m fine." His voice seemed to echo, and he was sure he was shouting. "I just wanna get out of here. I want to go home."

"I’ve made you up a bed at mine. Would you like to stay for a few days? The doctor said you’d better have someone to look after you."

"I’d love to!" said Jeff with a grin. The prospect of staying at Jeannie’s house was too tempting to pass up on.

"Ok, well they want to keep you in until this evening for observation. I’ll come and pick you up at seven, alright?"

"Yeah…" he sighed. "Jeannie, I really appreciate you doing this, you know. Looking after me. It makes me feel really cared for."

"You are cared for." She was stroking his hand, and her eyes never left his. Jeff felt a sudden urge to kiss her. Suddenly brisk, she stood up and straightened her sexy leather skirt. "I’ll see you soon, Jeff, I just have a few errands to run."

"Bye then", he said glumly.

"Bye." On impulse, she leant forward and kissed him tenderly, then left before he could respond. She hoped he couldn’t see how much she was blushing.

Jeff hoped Jeannie couldn’t see how much he was blushing. Being shown attention by beautiful women always confused him, because he could never escape the feeling that they should be concentrating on someone more important. When it was Jeannie the feeling was magnified by ten. He lay staring at the ceiling, blood rushing through parts of his body it wasn’t supposed to, unable to get the memory of Jeannie kissing him out of his head. Dr Conlin stuck his head round the door.

"You’ve got it bad, haven’t you mate?"

Jeannie felt guilty as she drove towards town. What Jeff must think of her she couldn’t imagine, but she was developing a crush on him in a big way. That was probably why she was so eager to catch whoever had drugged him. That, and the fact that it could easily have been her.

Her main line of reasoning was that the drug must have somehow been present in the drink when it was poured, since only Jeff and the barman had touched the glasses. She was going back to the club, to ask them some questions about their suppliers. She was met by the manager, a man who looked as though he modelled himself on Peter Stringfellow, aside from the fact that he was completely bald.

"Ms Hurst, sit down! Anything you need just let me know. So, to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" Jeannie decided to go for the direct approach.

"Mr Baron, I was celebrating my birthday at the club last night…"

"Happy birthday!" he interrupted. Jeannie sighed.

"The celebrations were spoiled slightly by the fact that the drinks were spiked. My… best friend ended up spending the night in hospital, and it could easily have been me. I was wondering if you still have the bottle that the drinks were poured from?"

"The police have already got it. I’m sorry…" His smile was completely insincere.

"Could I at least have the address of your suppliers?" Rather unwillingly, he gave her some addresses and contact numbers, which she jotted down in the notebook, next to Jeff’s little doodle of a cat. She decided to end the interview, but then a thought occurred to her. "If it’s no trouble to you, would you mind providing the CCTV footage of the bar and the surrounding area?"

"Ms Hurst, I can assure you we are cooperating fully with the police on this matter." He gave her a sickly leer. Jeannie was fed up of his patronising style. It probably wouldn’t be any use, but she was going to have those tapes.

"Mr Baron, according to the law I am entitled to any recordings made of myself. Please may I have the footage?"

"It’s been destroyed." He waved his hand tiredly when he saw her shocked expression. "Yeah, yeah, I know it’s illegal. We had a new guy working on admin, and he broke the VCR. All the tapes got chewed up."

"Right", she said as she stood up. "I shall be talking to the police about this." Unknown to her, as she left the room she was followed by the ectoplasmic form of Marty Hopkirk, seething at the way his fiancé had been treated.

However, as soon as Jeannie left the building, her mobile rang. Oddly, it was from her home number. Curious, she pressed the answer key, then felt a shiver of excitement as she realised it was Jeff.

"Hiya Jeannie." He sounded tired. Jeannie was worried her voice was going to shake, and she passed her phone from hand to hand with nervousness.

"Hi Jeff! How did you get in?"

"You left a window open."

"Well, if the neighbours warn me about a stocky burglar I’ll know what’s happened." The line became a bit distorted for a little while, but it sounded like he was complaining.

"-ot stocky. Anyway, Jeannie, you should really be more careful."
"Ok, ok. Anyway, how come they let you out so early?"

"Umm… never mind that now. You just get home, it’s gonna rain soon. Bye!" He hung up. Jeannie sighed. Jeff had always hated hospitals, but it was unlike him to just ignore the doctor’s advice. She grinned. Maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t been able to wait to get to her house. She fell into a rather pleasant fantasy, which lasted her all the way home.

Jeff knew Jeannie would be angry with him for taking such a risk with his health. He’d just had enough of lying in bed, with nosy doctors peering at him occasionally. The thought of being at Jeannie’s house was much more appealing, and he hadn’t been able to wait. Anyway, there was nothing wrong with him, he was just a bit tired, and nauseous, and his vision was a bit blurry. It was nothing a nice cup of tea wouldn’t cure. He’d fallen through the window into Jeannie’s bathroom, the window she always left open which was easily wide enough for a small man to slip through. After phoning Jeannie he’d decided to skip the cup of tea, and curl up instead on the big soft blanket. It was just like the one his mum used to let him play Cowboys and Indians with, he thought as he closed his eyes.

Jeannie found him sleeping peacefully when she returned. She perched on the arm of the sofa, and began to stroke his hair. He was very endearing when he was asleep. His eyes opened, and he took her hand gently and kissed it, proving he was also endearing when he was awake. Jeannie grinned.

"Afternoon, gorgeous." Jeff grinned back.

"Hiya Jeannie. Sorry I fell asleep, it just looked so comfy."

"That’s ok, I made it up for you anyway. Could you show me the window you got in?" Jeff dragged himself to his feet and followed her to the bathroom. "Would you like a bath, or a shower? You’re more than welcome, you know, if you want to."

"I’d love a bath, thanks." The conversation tailed off as they realised together that it would involve Jeff taking his clothes off. Abruptly, Jeannie turned and left.

"The towels are in that cupboard, I’ll go make us some tea", she said, closing the door behind her. Jeff closed his eyes, breathed deeply, and counted to ten while thinking of Marty naked, then sighed and began to run himself a bath.

Speak of the devil, Jeff thought, for no sooner had he climbed into the tub and begun soaking then Marty appeared.

"Hiya Jeff." Jeff frantically covered his manhood with a flannel.

"What is it with you and me naked Marty, for Christ’s sake!"

"Well, Jeff", said Marty, in his most infuriating tone of voice, "the last thing I would actively seek out is you naked. But I’m worried about something, so frankly, I couldn’t care less! Did you know Jeannie’s been going round investigating this?"

"So what? We are detectives, Marty, hadn’t you noticed? She’s probably worried about me." He was trying to keep the look of joy off his face. Jeannie cared about him enough to investigate. "I should think she’d do a better job than the police, anyway."

"That may well be, but the police are a load of fat men. I couldn’t care less if they get shot, or whatever, but I do not want anything to happen to Jeannie!" Jeff tried to keep his voice down, mindful of the fact that Jeannie was in the next room, but it was difficult when the ghost was being so infuriating.

"Marty, this is starting to sound like an episode of Eastenders! ‘Leave it to ver police, I don’t want my bird getting urt’! You have to trust Jeannie!" Marty shook his head and sighed.

"You know, you really can’t do a cockney accent." He vanished, leaving Jeff to sink beneath the bubbles with a tired sigh.

Jeff emerged from the bathroom clean and shining, to find Jeannie sitting on the sofa. She passed him a mug, then turned her attention back to the screen. Jeff sat next to her.

"What’re we watching?"

"Ssh. Casablanca." She turned to him and smiled. "If I start crying, just ignore me. It’s stupid, I must have seen it five times now." Jeff felt his heart melting all over again.

"It’s ok, Jeannie, it makes me cry too." She stared at him, astonished, and he grinned weakly. "I’ve never admitted it to anyone before."

"Well, if we cry we can cheer each other up." She turned back to the film and leaned her head on his shoulder.

Jeff frowned. Jeannie seemed to be doing everything she could to tempt him. He didn’t understand why. The concept of her being interested in someone like him was so ridiculous as to be unthinkable, so he had never let himself think it, concentrating instead on being a friend to her. Jeannie deserved someone better. Without realising it, he gave a deep sigh, which sounded more like a sob. Jeannie gasped, concerned, and turned to face him. His eyes were so big and liquid, she felt more drawn to him than ever.

"Not crying already?"

"No, no…" Jeff swallowed, and a tear rolled down his cheek. Jeannie reached out and brushed it away. She knew what she wanted to do.

"Jeff, did you ever think about us… you know… going out?" It took a few moments for the words to sink in.

"Huh?" She tried again.

"Did you ever think how it would be if we started… seeing each other. You know, as boyfriend and girlfriend?"

Oh god, she knew! Jeff tried to avoid meeting her eyes.

"Well, once or twice, yes. Why?" He tried not to sound too hopeful. Jeannie was rather disappointed with the lukewarm reception.

"How would you feel about me asking you out?" Jeff stared her, mouth gaping, his eyes shining. She giggled and pushed his jaw shut.

"Jeannie", he said sincerely, "I’d love it." Gathering all his courage, he reached forward and kissed her softly. "I love you." Jeannie kissed him back, a deeper kiss this time. They clung to each other, gently sinking back onto the couch. Jeannie was losing herself in Jeff. His body was warm, he was a wonderful kisser, and the feeling of his hands gently exploring her body made her moan with pleasure. The look in his eyes excited her beyond belief. He made her feel utterly desirable. She stroked him gently down his bare chest.

"Jeff, you’re trembling", she breathed.

"We both are", he whispered back shyly, then gasped as she touched his hard swollen crotch. Gazing straight into her eyes, he began to unfasten his trousers. Suddenly, Jeannie realised she couldn’t go through with it.

"Jeff, wait. It’s not that I don’t want to, I just… I want to be sure. I mean, I think I love you, but then I thought I really loved Marty, and the things I felt for him are nowhere near what I feel for you. I mean, how can we be certain what love is? How can we know we’re not temporarily insane, or something, not that I’d have to be insane to fancy you, far from it, it’s just…" Her voice tailed off. Oh great, she thought, now he’ll think I’m schizophrenic or something.

"It’s ok Jeannie, I understand." Jeannie felt a little pang of love when she realised that, despite his arousal, he was totally sincere. "I’ll wait as long as you need. I love you." He sighed and began to fasten his flies. Jeannie put out a hand and stopped him. Jeff deserved a reward for being so caring.

"Close your eyes." Jeff obeyed, excitement written on his face. Jeannie pulled his trousers right down, then freed his straining erection from his pants. He moaned as she took him gently into her mouth. She gulped gently, pressing him against the roof of her mouth in a way that made him groan. She stroked her tongue up and down his length, then ran it delicately round the head. Her hands moved to his shaft.

Jeannie was enjoying herself almost as much as Jeff was. It was thrilling to be able to turn him on so much, and he tasted appetising, though slightly salty. She also liked the way his hands had crept to her thighs, and were caressing her gently but firmly. His fingers slid along the inside of her thighs, and crept into her panties. Mmm… he knew what he was doing. She looked up, and their eyes met.

"Stuff this," Jeannie said out loud. She stood beside the couch and pulled her panties off. Jeff moaned with lust and reached out for her. She fell into his embrace. They kissed passionately. Jeannie put her hands on Jeff’s chest and pushed herself up, then lowered herself slowly onto his cock. She began to ride him, faster and faster, bending forward over him. He lifted her blouse up and caressed her breasts. He moaned and writhed, then as he came he sat bolt upright, wrapping his arms round her.

"Fuck. Help. Fuck!" he shouted, then collapsed back. Jeannie had never heard him swear like that before. It was quite exciting really, she thought as she snuggled down, resting in his embrace.

Marty drifted aimlessly around Limbo. He felt strangely dissatisfied with his last encounter with Jeff. Usually it was easy to browbeat Jeff into doing what he wanted, but this time was different. Jeff seemed calmer, with more confidence in his own opinion. Marty sighed. He simply couldn’t have Jeannie investigating a bunch of rapists, it wasn’t as if he was alive and able to come running to her rescue. No, he’d have to speak to Jeff again, and make it clear that Jeannie would have to leave it to the police. If she refused, then Jeff would have to get up off his arse and start his own investigations. Anything was better than putting Jeannie at risk.

The reason for Jeff’s more laid-back attitude soon became clear to Marty. When he appeared he was greeted with the sight of Jeannie with her face in Jeff’s crotch. Jeff’s eyes were closed, and he was writhing frantically and running his fingers through Jeannie’s hair. Suddenly his body went rigid and his head jerked backwards. He was staring directly at Marty, but his eyes were wide and unseeing. He cried out, then sank back onto the couch, exhausted. Marty vanished, seething with rage.

Jeff lay on his back, exhausted. His eyes were closed, but he could feel Jeannie stroking and caressing him, her head resting on his chest. He knew he was grinning stupidly, but he couldn’t help it. His mind was filled with bliss. Jeannie kissed his forehead gently.

"I’m just going to brush my teeth, is that ok?" Jeff grinned sleepily and nodded. Jeannie loved him; everything was ok.

Jeannie dragged herself away from Jeff’s warm body and headed for the bathroom. She couldn’t believe she’d been so forward. It wasn’t at all like her, but it had felt so right… She cleaned her teeth and ran a brush through her hair where Jeff had been rubbing his fingers through it. She grinned at the memory; he’d become a bit frantic towards the end. Jeannie winced as the hairbrush came up against an obstruction. She reached up and found a Kirby grip jammed between the bristles. The doorbell rang, disturbing her train of thought. Sighing, she went to answer it.

The man at the door was quiet, fast and precise; obviously a professional, she thought as he handcuffed her then bundled her to a waiting car. She noticed another man slip past her captor into the house. There was no time to alert Jeff. The first indication he had that something was wrong was when handcuffs were snapped on his wrists and he was lifted bodily from the sofa. He was slung upside down over the kidnappers shoulder before he was even fully awake.

Jeannie was forced into the front seat of the car. Through the front window she could see Jeff being carried out of the house. He looked utterly comical, wearing only his boxers, an open shirt, and an outraged look on his face. She would have laughed if she hadn’t been so scared. Jeff was thrust into the back and forced onto the floor, and the car drove off.

After a long journey, during which Jeannie grew sicker and sicker as she thought of what could happen, the car stopped in a yard behind a tall, familiar building. They were pulled from the car and escorted up a long flight of steps. To Jeannie’s amazement, they came out on the dancefloor of her favourite club, the place she went nearly every weekend… the place where she’d nearly been raped.

"It was Baron all along!" she said to no one in particular.

"Shut up," grunted one of the men, the one carrying Jeff. Jeannie was gratified to notice how tired it was making him. Jeff was just staring around him, wide-eyed and helpless. Useless in a crisis, Jeannie thought to herself, but it just makes him all the more adorable. The kidnappers moved them through the door at the side of the bar, and they were in Paul Baron’s office.

Jeannie was laid out on the sofa facing the large desk. Jeff was dumped unceremoniously in the corner of the room. The man who had been carrying him groaned with relief, stretched, then joined his companion standing by the sofa.

"Oi Bill," he nudged him, "this one’s a bit of all right, eh? Some of the girls the boss goes for are right mingers."

"You keep your hands to yourself this time. You know he likes undamaged goods!" Bill smirked, and stared at Jeannie with undisguised lechery in his eyes. "Wait your turn Louis, we’ll get a go once he’s finished with her."

With a cry of pure rage, Jeff launched himself at Bill. His hands were cuffed behind his back, but he was determined to hurt the men who were threatening Jeannie that way. He lowered his head, aimed for Bill’s midriff, and charged. It was no use; Bill simply waited until he was too close to stop and then sidestepped. He hit Jeff on the back of the neck with his gun, and Jeff went down, stunned.

"Move again, and I’ll use this for real." Bill stepped over Jeff’s prone body without a backward glance, and moved to the other side of the room. Louis kicked Jeff painfully in the ribs and followed him.

Jeff gazed vacantly up at the ceiling. His head was throbbing, and he was terrified. He hadn’t known they were armed. The situation was even worse than before. Suddenly, a loud fart heralded the arrival of Marty Hopkirk. Jeff grinned with relief.

"Marty!" he whispered. "You’ve got to help us!"

"Why?" Jeff rolled his eyes. Marty could be so dense.

"Cos those blokes over there have kidnapped me and Jeannie."

"I can see that." He sneered. "What I mean is, why should I help you? You’ve just betrayed me with the woman I love." Jeff stared, horrified. Marty glared back at him. Jeff had never seen him so angry. "I couldn’t care less what happens to you."

"It’s not me I’m worried about! Marty, they’re gonna hurt Jeannie. You have to do something!" Marty turned away.

"She’s your girlfriend now. Good luck."

"Marty please!" Marty vanished, and Jeff sank back against the cool tiled floor. Everything was hopeless.

Jeannie was frantic with worry, both for herself and Jeff. He’d been hit very hard on the head; he’d seemed to be talking to himself; and now his eyes were closed and he was very pale. He definitely needed medical attention, but there didn’t seem to be much chance of that. She realised she was fiddling nervously with something in her hand. She examined it more carefully with her fingers. It was the Kirby grip! She’d kept hold of it without realising. Jeannie grinned. Things were looking up. Marty had taught her to open handcuffs; he’d been a big fan of the ‘illegal knowledge’ books you saw in the back of magazines. Quickly, she picked the locks, and began to massage some life back into her wrists. With a glance she established that Bill and Louis were over the other side of the room, chatting idly. She was sure she could take Bill down in a surprise attack, and after that Louis would be a pushover. All she needed was a distraction.

"Jeff!" she hissed, and checked whether the men had heard. They were still talking. Jeff was looking at her with slightly unfocused eyes. She showed him her free hands, and he grinned. "Distract them," she mouthed. Jeff nodded.

"Marty!" he whispered. There was no need to shout; the ghost always heard when he was being called. The question was whether or not he would turn up.

"Helloooo, Jeffrey!" came the mocking reply. Jeff sighed.

"Look, Marty, I know you’re angry with me, but all I need is a distraction. Just get their attention for a few seconds, then Jeannie can do the rest. Please."

"Not a chance. The sooner you’re dead and buried the better, then I can give you the beating you deserve."

"But what about Jeannie! She’s gonna get raped!" Jeff was nearly sobbing. Marty merely turned away, his face emotionless. "Fine! If that’s the way you’re going to be, I’ll just have to sort it out myself." Jeff struggled to his feet. "Oi, fat bastard!" Bill and Louis turned, surprised. Jeannie silently leapt to her feet. Jeff stuck his chest out. He was rather enjoying it. "Yeah, I mean you, fat bloke with the gun, I bet it’s not even-" There was an incredibly loud bang, and a bullet smashed into his shoulder.

Jeannie’s foot connected with Bill’s arm, spinning him round and causing him to drop the gun. The back-kick hit Louis’ head and sent him flying. She turned back to Bill and began a barrage of kicks and punches that had him staggering. She was utterly furious at what he'd done to Jeff.

But Jeff was in shock. He could feel hot blood coursing down his arm as he stared numbly at the fight going on before him. Through the ringing in his ears he could just make out Marty jabbering about something. He turned his head, and Marty’s voice came into sudden, sharp focus, as though someone had turned up the volume on a TV set.

"What did you want to do that for? Jeff, you’ve been shot!"

"I know, but I had to do something." Jeff felt dizzy. "I didn’t think it’d hurt this much."

Without warning, he collapsed. Marty felt guilty, so naturally he tried to hide it by shouting.

"What do you mean, you didn’t think it would hurt this much? You’ve been shot before, Jeff, you must have known!" He was approaching panic.

"Last time was just like falling asleep." Jeff’s voice was becoming incoherent. "But this really hurts!" 

He wasn't kidding either. The handcuffs were wrenched his arms behind his back, intensifying the pain. He began to roll back and forth, trying to find a more comfortable position. "It really hurts!" he wailed. Jeannie won her fight and came dashing over.

"I know it does," she said in her soothing voice. She freed his wrists from the restraints, causing him yet more agony, but she didn’t stay. Instead she ran back to Bill and Louis. Jeff stared after her, aghast.

"Jeff, I’m sorry." The sight of Jeff’s wan face filled Marty with pity and remorse. "You can go out with Jeannie whenever you like, I don’t mind."

"That’s no good to me now, Marty." Jeff sighed. He clutched at his injured shoulder, but it didn't make the pain go away.

"I know it isn’t; and I’m so sorry. Let me do something to help you." Jeff looked up, desperate hope in his eyes. 

"Close your eyes." Jeff obeyed. Marty crouched over him and placed his hands on Jeff’s temples. He visualised the nerves running from Jeff’s shoulder to his head, carrying the little pulses of electricity that delivered the ‘pain’ message to his brain. He saw each individual synapse, and as the electrical energy leapt between them he diverted it into himself. Jeff gasped with relief as the pain no longer registered. Without it he could think more clearly, and he saw how sensible Jeannie had been. She had taken the handcuffs he had been wearing and used them on Bill and Louis, who were now firmly attached to the central heating pipe.

Jeannie used the phone on the desk to call an ambulance and the police, then dashed over to Jeff in a whirl of tenderness and love. She cradled Jeff, taking care to avoid hurting his shoulder, and kissed him softly.

"I love you," she whispered to him. He grinned back at her, his mouth too dry to speak. "Is there anything I can get you?"

"Water, please," he whispered. Jeannie kissed him again, then went to raid the mini-fridge. Marty leaned into view.

"I'm so sickeningly jealous of you!" He sounded so absurd that Jeff began to giggle uncontrollably. Jeannie rushed back over with a bottle of Evian. Jeff’s forehead was hot, and he seemed feverish. She gave him a few sips of water, then poured some over his head. He smiled and leaned back in her arms.

Marty began to unexpectedly fade from view. Jeff cried out in alarm, and sat up.

"What’s happening?" he gasped. The pain was returning.

"I’m sorry," Marty replied faintly, "I can’t do it for long, it drains my power! I thought the ambulance would be here by now."

"Marty don’t go!" Jeff screamed as the full agony hit him.

"Sorry…" Marty vanished.

"What do you mean about Marty?" Jeannie was frantic with worry. Jeff was white as a sheet, and his skin was radiating heat.

"Marty was here, he was helping me, and now he’s gone and it hurts…" He sobbed, then hid his face in her lap, ashamed of crying. She felt his warm tears running along her leg. Where the hell was the ambulance? If Jeff was at the stage of having visions of his dead friend, then surely he wouldn’t last much longer. Jeannie winced. The thought was unbearable. She stroked Jeff’s hair, damp with sweat.

"Don’t die," she whispered.

"Why not?" He returned

Jeannie’s mind raced for a reason.

"I haven’t made love to you yet."

"Well could you hurry up a bit?" 

They both smiled. Jeff sighed and closed his eyes. The rhythm of Jeannie stroking his hair was hypnotic. He felt himself sinking ever further into darkness. His body was encased in a warm cocoon, which kept him safe from the pain in his arm. He was just getting comfortable, when someone forced his head back and pushed a mask onto his face. He struggled weakly. The oxygen he was breathing cleared his head, and he felt the pain again, but then the anonymous person pushed a needle into his arm, and everything went happy and black.

Jeannie sat in the back of the ambulance holding Jeff’s hand. He was calm and breathing easily, but he was still very pale. The tall, rather handsome paramedic chatted to her, trying to calm her down, but she knew she wouldn’t be happy until Jeff was well again. She only paid attention when he mentioned the police.

"There were loads of diversions on the roads. Honestly, it was almost like they didn’t want us to get here!" That got Jeannie thinking. Throughout the case, the police had been unhelpful to the point of being obstructive. And what had Paul Baron said… "We are cooperating fully with the police on this matter." I bet you were mate, she thought. I bet you were. Just then Jeff made a cute noise, so she gave him all her attention.

Jeff woke up in hospital with his shoulder encased in plaster. He felt sleepy and confused, yet inexplicably happy. Jeannie was asleep in a chair at his bedside. He reached out and stroked her golden hair, but he couldn’t bring himself to wake her. Marty appeared too.

"God, Jeff, I had a hell of a time finding you," he grumbled. "You brainwaves are all over the place. It’s all that morphine." This struck Jeff as amusing, and he smiled softly at his friend.

"Are you in a bad mood then?" he managed to say.

"I am, yeah! You should have been at the station!"

"Station?"

"The police station, Jeff! They were horrible to Jeannie. They arrested Bill and Louis, and the waiter that did the drugging, but Baron paid their bail, and it looks like he won’t get charged at all, cos there’s not enough evidence. They had the keys to his office, for God’s sake! That’s at least enough evidence to warrant an enquiry!" He looked down at Jeff. "Are you listening?" he demanded. Jeff sighed.

"Looks like a job for Randall and Hopkirk then, doesn’t it?" he said sleepily. He took Jeannie’s hand, closed his eyes and slept.